Have you ever felt it? Bone rattling failure like you can’t seem to acheive/do anything right and that looking at your past it seems like it’s just riddled with mistakes and wrong turns? As everyone prepares for back to school I feel that, I was a teacher once, I have had the back to school excitement; the classroom to decorate; the joy in meeting new students and journeying with them as they learned. Somewhere along the way it no longer worked, I didn’t have the skills to manage the classroom, I couldn’t teach them. I failed my students, I failed me.
Now it seems no matter what career choice I attempt next it all ends the same. Failure. I couldn’t work at Staples as a Tech assistant for longer than a year and a half. My temp job didn’t get extended. I can’t even seem to get the build your own businesses off the ground.
I can’t figure it out? Why would God put a passion for teaching in my heart if he won’t allow me to find a position that I can strive in? Why would God allow me to not even be able to hold down the simplest of jobs?
Our purpose as children of God isn’t always known to us, no I don’t have a job outside of the house. I have a job that allows me to be with my children daily and teach them. Do we have bad days? When Mom doesn’t want to do much and they run amuck? Yes we do, but they know they are loved. Both by their parents and by the God who created them.
I don’t always remember that my purpose in God is more important than my purpose in self, I forget that my God doesn’t abandon me when I am feeling like a failure. It is easy to feel that you are doing something wrong when the turns you take in your life don’t seem to take you toward the path you wanted. Just make sure they are taking your towards the path that matters. Towards the cross. Towards our precious Redeemer.